Expired Milk and Other Unpleasantness
by Odyssion
Summary: Naruto surmises that life is much like a toilet.


**Expired Milk and Other Unpleasantness**

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Naruto.

_Author's Notes:_ The result of me trying to sleep and constantly hearing the flush of the toilet. This is not for those with a weak stomach (or an aversion for toilets).

* * *

He never drinks his milk in time but since it's more economically friendly to buy in bulk, Naruto always buys more than he needs and has to sniff experimentally at the open carton a few weeks after the expiry date to ascertain the level of danger in consuming the substance inside. Most times his nose was right; he had developed a knack for knowing the degree of damage that would be inflicted on his digestive system (although Kakashi-sensei made him promise not to drink any milk before they set off on any missions). Today, however, seemed to be particularly unlucky. He had determined that this milk was around level 7 toxicity (he had a scale of 1-10), which was usually a little high but nothing his stomach couldn't handle. Alas, said organ did not agree. He had just drained the last drop from the carton when disaster struck, and his mad dash to the toilet was almost too late. It was in this state of affairs, after he had emptied his bowels for the fourth time that day, that realization dawned on him.

Life, Naruto thought, is a lot like a toilet.

No matter what things you throw in, whether they are good or bad, you can simply disregard them by flushing them away. Granted, that's easier said than done in real life, but it didn't limit the possibilities. There's no point in holding on to the past, letting it disintegrate into nastiness that destroys your future. You could always start new. But, of course, those things you throw in do serve to dirty your life up a bit – stains and grime and all that jazz. Just nasty stuff in general. When that happens, it's particularly necessary to have a scrub brush and a strong cleaning fluid with which to disinfect your messes. Iruka-sensei happened to be his scrub brush; he knew that if he let himself get out of hand enough, Iruka-sensei would be there with some good cleaning fluid of common sense and make sure the message sobered him up. This is a periodic and necessary cleaning. Naruto didn't stay clean for very long, but it prevents the stains from coagulating into an un-cleanable disaster (Naruto suspects that Sasuke does not have a scrub brush of his own). And there are nooks and crannies to a toilet – behind the seat, under the seat – that are much like people's grubby secrets. You never really want to look for fear of what you see but in order to get yourself together, it is in your best interests to expunge such blatant disrespect for hygiene.

The biggest problem, though, comes when you throw something extremely out of the ordinary into the bowl of your life. A big rock, a horny snake-man, it doesn't really matter what, but life isn't meant to deal with those sorts of issues. You can't simply flush them away. If, in your futile bid for a clean conscience, you do try, chances are that life will simply… clog. Stay put. Not drain. Swirl a bit. In such situations, you're really just cursing everything. Try it a couple more times, and then reach for a plunger. The plunger – also another necessity. Naruto's plunger happened to be Ichiraku Ramen. No matter how bad life got, ramen could almost always unclog it (Kakashi-sensei's plunger seemed to be those trashy books). Heave ho and you're as good as new.

Now, in instances of extreme fuck-up, your trusty plunger may not even do the trick. Killing a team-mate by accident, for example, is hardly going to be solved with ramen. When something this dire happens, it is best to consult the older toilets which plumber is best in town. You will likely pay a pretty penny, but life can't stay in one place forever. In the worst-case scenario, when even the best plumber in town can't help you, there is really only one alternative remaining.

Dump your crap in someone else's life.

Naruto flushes for the 5th time, and decides he should drink expired milk every day.

* * *

**end**


End file.
